The Art of Mom

I love you, but I also need sleep

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Every night at 4am, my daughter will yell “Mommmyyyyyyy!” There aren’t any clocks in her room, and I’m pretty sure she is still unaware of basic time principles, yet without fail, she always calls out for me at the same time. This is her nightly call to make sure I come into her room and lie down with her or tuck her back into bed. You would think that by now I’d be used to this nightly routine, but I rarely go to sleep at the same time every night, so sometimes 4am is just too soon after I close my eyes. I’ve tried to ignore her and let her cry it out in her room, but that only worked while she was confined to her crib. Now she will march right into my room and demand I get up or make space for her to come in. I’ve even slept right through the “mommy” cries, and once woke up to her face 2 inches away from mine looking at me dead in my eyes… it was terrifying.

Before becoming a mom, I couldn’t imagine drinking coffee. It tasted like bitter hot bean water (which it is) and no amount of sugar or milk could change my mind. Now, I simply cannot go a whole day without at least 1 cup. It’s like as soon as I joined the mom club, I was welcomed with a giant mug of coffee and dark under eyes. I’m proud to say, I’ve graduated from a medium coffee with 2 milk, 2 sugars, to just 1 milk and no sugar! (But who cares really, just gimme the hot bean water!!)

I also used to be able to sleep through an entire thunder storm symphony prior to motherhood, and I even slept through my boyfriend and his rowdy friends playing beer pong and loud music all night while I was in the other room -WITH THE DOOR OPEN. A 12 hour sleep was just one joint away, and I could blissfully sleep through any stress or outside factor.

Que in a baby, and now I can’t remember the last time I actually had a solid 12 hour stretch with just the back of my eyelids for company. My magical sleeping abilities have gone and now I can wake up just from hearing my daughter toss and turn in the other room (true story)!

Even though I complain about all of this, I’m honestly thankful to be apart of this sleepless club. I know one day I won’t be needed as much through the night, and by then I will voluntarily lose sleep as I wait by the door for her to come home after curfew. But until then, pass me the coffee please!

The Art of Change

Our New Reality?

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Right now, the hot topic everywhere we go is: COVID-19. The global pandemic that is caused by the novel coronavirus, has infected almost every nation to varying degrees of severity.  

Over the last few decades, there have been several health-related epidemics, such as HIV/AIDS, SARS, and the “Asian Flu”. However, for a health issue to elevate from an “epidemic” to a “pandemic”, is the difference from only a few countries being affected, to globally everyone being affected in some way (thanks Google!). The last true pandemic was the “Spanish Flu” that lasted roughly from 1918-1920, and there are very few people alive in the world today that also lived through that pandemic. So, it’s safe to say this time around, it’s a very new reality we’re living in. 

The advice given by the top doctor in Canada is to stay at home, and practice social distancing (or physical distancing as per the WHO). Thankfully, most of the population have been abiding by these guidelines, however there will always be those that don’t “believe it’s a big deal” or don’t want to “compromise their freedom”. 

I’ll admit, at first when most of the cases of COVID-19 were in China, I was skeptical about social distancing. It seemed to me that this was an overreaction for just a flu. I also thought it wouldn’t spread very far and only those who were elderly or with weak immune systems would have to worry. But as we all know now, that is not the case and anyone is at risk to become infected, it’s just the elderly and immuno-compromised people are at a GREATER RISK. Not only is COVID-19 highly infectious, but someone may have it and not even show any symptoms during the time period when they are the most infectious.

As silly as this may sound, I only felt that this was becoming a serious issue on the morning of March 12th, when the NBA announced that the remainder of the season would be postponed. Then the NHL and all the other major sports leagues around the world followed suit. It made me (and I’m sure many others) realize that this was a bigger issue than we first imagined. Then all the schools and daycares in Ontario announced that they will be closed for at least 3 weeks or more. I remember being at work and all the top managers were called into an emergency crisis team meeting. That particular day was my turning point, and I went from slightly skeptical to full-blown CONCERNED. 

With countries like Italy, Spain, China and India and states like New York and California imposing lockdowns, I wondered whether Canada would follow suit. And as of right now, we are not there yet, however It’s quite scary to think about. How long would a lockdown be needed? How would the lockdown affect our daily lives? What would it mean to our future generations, having to grow up in a locked-up state? 

This new reality is not something I could have predicted, but I think that one day, this too will pass and hopefully when that day comes, we can all practice kindness and compassion for one another and realize that we are all human, no one is above another. 

The Art of Nature

Mother Nature

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I am fortunate enough to live in a country that truly experiences all 4 seasons. I know everyone might not agree that this is a good thing, however I think there is something beautiful you can find in all types of weather.

I’m going to be completely basic and say that my favourite season, by far is Autumn. I never call it “autumn” but I felt like it was appropriate to use it’s more formal and beautiful term, given it’s position at number 1. I love that first cool breeze in the air after a long, hot and muggy summer season. I love driving out of the city, just to see the captivating red, orange and yellow leaves, all together in the forests lining the highways. I always try and squeeze in a few nice hikes just to watch the leaves flow from the trees in the wind. I love the urges we all feel to head over to an apple orchard or pumpkin patch and gather our own fruits and vegetables. I feel like people fall in love again with everyone they’re with, it’s like the perfect lead up season to all the holidays in December.

Summer and Winter are tied for second in my opinion, because you can’t have one, without the other. I don’t think I could truly appreciate the hot humid weather, if I didn’t freeze my butt off in the bitter cold winter. There’s nothing more magical and fun than the first snowfall of the season. Everyone comes together to just enjoy what mother nature has to offer us, tobogganing, making snowmen, even an epic snowball fight can be a cherished memory. But I wouldn’t appreciate snow for too long if there wasn’t summer to look forward to. Those sunny days laying down on the beach with a cold drink, people walking about on the streets or gathered at patios, just enjoying the late sunsets while socializing and eating.

Lastly, I can’t forget Spring. I’m placing it in third instead of fourth because there is no last amongst my favourite seasons <3 (except horrible horrible storms of any kind-wind/sand/snow/rain, they are not welcomed). There are plenty of beautiful things that I love about Spring, like the gorgeous and colourful flowers blooming in local gardens and green spaces, or the longer days and shorter nights. And how about that warm smell in the air as the snow melts, and everything has a slightly damp layer. In Toronto, a particularly great spring phenomenon is when it’s the first warm day of the year, and everyone is finally nice again. Spring is often overlooked, but one thing is for certain, where would we be without mother nature?

The Art of Travel

“I want to visit every continent before I die”

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When I was a kid, I travelled a lot. My parents are both immigrants, and we only had a handful of relatives that lived in Canada, so we had to travel in order to maintain any connection with other family members. I was 1 year old when I first went on an airplane and I don’t really remember that particular trip, but since then I’ve travelled to 12 countries, and many different cities within Canada. Travelling at such a young age sparked my interest in geography and I would play with my toy globe for hours and hours and never get bored. I even remember coming back from vacation, I would pretend I’ve picked up a new accent so that my friends would be jealous of my worldly adventures. At 14 when I discovered what a “bucket list” was, I immediately wrote down “I want to visit every continent before I die” on a piece of paper.

I eventually grew up and became a flight attendant. I was 20 years old and in the perfect life scenario for me to truly love my job. However, I eventually became sad and even cried a few times on my way to work. I enjoyed my job, and I enjoyed exploring new cities, but I never had anyone close to me that I could share my experiences with. Through flight attending, I was able to spend a gorgeous September weekend in Paris, and one night I went on a stroll by The Seine. I was mesmerized by all the beautiful lights and architecture and lovely couples embracing, however I couldn’t help but feel lonely. That’s when I realized I wasn’t very good at travelling alone.

Since then, I’ve become a parent and have made it a point to introduce my daughter to the world at 7 months old. I’ve always felt that people who began visiting other cities/countries at a young age, quickly became more tolerant and accepting of others as they grow older. I hope she will follow in my footsteps and enjoy exploring our beautiful planet, that way I can always have a travel buddy.

The Art of Mom

Parent Life

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Here is how giving birth works: first you go through pain, then you might push out a baby (or have said baby taken from the womb via a C-section), then the placenta makes it’s exit, and then the set of instructions on how to raise the baby follows right after. Oh wait… that last part is definitely made up, because there isn’t a manual that comes along with your baby once you meet them. Becoming a parent is arguably one of the most interesting, difficult, crazy, fun and amazing experiences a person may go through, yet most of our knowledge on how to parent, is acquired as we proceed along our journey. We have to use our instincts and common sense, as we face the different situations our children grow through.

I never realized how hard it would be to always try my best when I’m around my daughter. I love playing with her and teaching her new things, but I also want to be firm about certain rules. I want to protect her and show her how much I love her, but also allow her some freedom to grow on her own. I have to provide her with a roof over her head and food in her belly, but that means sacrificing time with her, in order to make the money we need. The entire balancing act of it all can be tiring, but simultaneously rewarding and I would not change a thing.

I’m constantly learning new things about myself as I grow into my role as a mother, and so far, I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn!

The Art of Change

“Quickly and swiftly dragging all my furniture out of it’s home”

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Has anyone ever had a “successful move”? If so please reach out to me because I have yet to hear about an instance where someone has spoken positively about their moving experience. I’ve only moved once as an adult, and I went from my parent’s home with just my clothes and a few dishes, to my first apartment that I needed to furnish. Hardly a “move”, seeing as I just had to pack my car with 4 or 5 bags of clothes and my body, and just begin living where I am now.

I have been hoping to move for the past year, and now that it is finally happening, I am overcome with anxiety. I’ve had 2 months’ notice, and even though that is plenty of time, some days I feel like there is too much to pack, clean, paint and fix and not enough time to get it done. Other days, I wish the move-in date could come sooner because I just want it all over with. Don’t get me wrong, I love my current place and I’m actually quite sad to move on, but once I got the confirmation that I’ve secured the new apartment, I just wanted to get this process all over with. Kind of like “ripping off a band aid”, but more so “quickly and swiftly dragging all my furniture out of it’s home”.

Now that I’ve begun packing, I’m slowly realizing I have more crap than I originally thought. I’ve donated and purged a lot of my possessions in the past year as I’ve led up to this point. I think the part that gives me the most anxiety is ensuring that my current apartment is left in a proper enough state for my deposit to not be compromised, and then cleaning and painting my new apartment to my standards. I kind of have high standards for cleanliness and a little bit of OCD for having things in a certain way, which definitely add to the pressure of getting this new place ready to go. All this, plus making sure my toddler can smoothly transition into her new room, makes me anxious. We leave for an over-seas vacation shortly after the move, and I worry that all the changes to her sleeping quarters will affect her –otherwise amazing- sleeping pattern.

Wish me luck y’all!

The Art of Loss

There’s a first time for everything

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When I was in grade 5, I had an amazing teacher. She was responsible for a lot of my elementary school success. I not only learned the mandatory subjects in class, but also what it’s like to be a lady with class. I stayed in most recesses and marked everyone’s work, I even helped co-create some new lessons. She taught me to pay attention to detail and to also own up to my mistakes. I ended up getting straight A’s that year, and I never felt like I wasn’t worthy of it. She let me know prior to report cards coming out that I deserved my accomplishments and that I should harness my intelligence into positive outlets. She believed in me and gave me a very special gift on my last day of school -that I still have today. It was a Harry Potter notebook that she knew I would love and she wrote a tiny message in the front that I can still recite off by heart to this day.

“Thanks to a wonderful student who will one day be an excellent teacher”

This encouragement made a lasting impact, even though I never became a teacher (at least not yet!), I always valued her advice and the subtle life lessons I learned along the way.

She passed away the next year from a battle with breast cancer at the age of 29 and she was the first person close to me in my life that ever died.

It didn’t feel like I lost a teacher, rather more so an aunt or a respected mentor. In grade 8, I was the first recipient of the Selena Merkouris Spirit Award, and it’s my most treasured award to date. My elementary school then planted a tree and placed a boulder with her name in front of the parking lot to commemorate her legacy.

When I found out I was expecting my daughter, I suffered from terrible nightmares for a whole month straight. Then one night I had a dream and there she was, I could see her vividly and even heard her voice for the first time in 13 years. Her presence in my dream brought so much tranquility, and when I woke up, I felt a huge sense of relief and ease. At 7am in the fog and drizzle, I drove over to her memorial boulder and cried and spoke to her as if she was truly there. I never had a nightmare after her appearance in that particular dream for the rest of my pregnancy and I’m still convinced that she acted as a guardian angel.

I don’t think I could ever forget her, and I don’t think she’s forgotten about me.

I miss you.

RIP Selena Merkouris

The Art of Hair

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow?

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    In all my years of life, I’ve always had curly hair. Not your average loose waves, and not quite the tight 4C curls, but somewhere between a pretty ringlet and a stretched out slinky.

    When I was a little girl, my mom (bless her soul) did not know how to manage my frizzy curls. Thus, for the first 5 or 6 years of my life, I had a short, curly, frizzy afro. Even at such a young age, I knew that I could not go on with life looking like a young Richard Simmons. As soon as second grade hit, I took control and told my mom “No more haircuts!!”. I didn’t exactly know what I was doing when I took over, and I went through that pesky “just below shoulder length” stage for a few years.

    I also dabbled with perming my hair twice in the sixth grade, and that was a serious disaster. My hair did go “naturally” straight after the perm, but boy was the growing out process an ugly mess! At 12 years old (a pivotal time in a young lady’s life), I had to watch my super curly hair grow out of my scalp, while the ends remained dead straight. I’ll be the first to say it looked awful, and I didn’t bother straightening the burgeoning curly roots because I was 12, and the whole point of the perm was so that I wouldn’t have to do anything. Shortly after the perming fiasco, I met my best friend and life long hairstylist.

    Safe to say, I’ve embraced my curly locks now and I’ve even found the secret to keeping them bouncy and (less) frizzy – mousse!! (and sometimes gel). Will I cut my hair above my jaw line ever again? Probably not until I’m 95, that way I can say I spent the first 5 years of my life and the last 5 years looking like a young and old version of (a pretty) Howard Stern.

    The Art of Balance

    Why do I eat like crap, while trying to be healthy?

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    I’d like to call the following 2 scenarios “try but no fly” Why? Because I always have the best intentions of trying to become a healthier version of myself, but then I can’t fly off with the actual execution of it all.

    The first prime example is when “healthy me” decides to take over while grocery shopping. I always manage to have the willpower to avoid the entire snack and junk food aisles. I’ll take my little grocery list and my smug self straight to the check outs, and then reward my discipline with an on-sale bag of chips (the calories are half off too right?).

    I’m constantly inspired by new “healthy recipes” and will go out of my way to read articles on the newest superfoods or diet trends. Then I’ll whip up a new, delicious and low carb dinner, feeling like the supermom that I am, then eat an ice cream sandwich for dessert. Followed by another one twenty minutes later because “I didn’t enjoy the first one” due to my toddler yelling for my attention (and a bite of my sandwich).

    It’s not until later on when I lay in bed, scrolling, when the dread of my ice cream sandwich binge settles in, as I pass by two fitness models’ pages and one ad for “flat tummy tea”. Why do I torture my vulnerable 11pm self with ice cream sandwiches and chips and every other “bad” food imagineable? Because I love it!